Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Feelin Some Kinda Way

So this blog is my update to previos blog about John Doe....

We continued to date and to see each other. When we are together I have some of the greatest times i can remember having on a date. The touch, the smell of the skin, the softness of the lips, it all is so great to me. Physically this is my type of person for real! I mean body is right for me, hugs feel great, affection......yall get my point. The issue for me is that while i called myself trying to give an Ultimatum, "tell me your name or im leaving you" i didnt go through with it! Why? Because I was really feeling him *sigh* and still am. Its rare for me to talk about who im spending a lot of my time with to family and friends because i dont want it to be a curse or something lol. Also i didnt want to lose having a good person in my life. I really believed and still do think that he is a great guy, handsome as hell, genuine. But i think he's been burned and burned bad. I feel like their are underlying insecurities that should be discussed but i ont want it to come across as an attack.

We talked about previous relationships and there was a justification on the name thing so i held out for a bit longer but it still remained an issue but i just decided to put my patience to the test. Outside of the name thing it seemed like things were going really well until one day i started thinking. Maybe he doesnt trust me or that who ever preceeded me was a person of such caliber that the dating scenario had been tarnished for him so bad that if i wanted any additional info that i needed to be the KNight in shining armor riding the White Horse in a fresh pair of air Force Ones lol.

Then i thought again and maybe this is where it makes the most sense for me. Our beliefs on trust were different. In getting to know someone, i give trust until you give me a reason not to while he believes trust is earned. Now im not Naive with my trust like "oh hes so great im gonna let him take my ATM card and get us some money for dinner". I aint no fool but trust like if were going to become an item then certain things are worth knowing and sharing especially when your potential mate expresses their concern about them. So now i sit feeling some kind of way because i enjoyed the time we spent together but was tired of fighting when we were apart. I feel like the root of a lot of my issues were because i didnt feel like i was trusted. Is it so much that i know his name...nah but its the principle that you are keeping it from me. To me trust is like solid ground, its extremely hard to build something amazing without that foundation in tact if that makes sense. Does it? I must admit i really do like him and care a lot about him but im not sure what to do next.

My questions for you.....
When dating someone new, what is your stance on trust? Do you give until there is a reason not to? Do they earn "trust" points until theyve reached 100 of them? Where would you go from here?

Thanks In Advance for the input


B Free


B Free said...

After i wrote it i was listening to Janets new song 'Luv' I think is the title. She has a line "got the car in a weck im a mess" right now i feel a mess lol. Help me

GI said... just stroked the cheek of my inner Joan Clayton....Ok, she's awake again! lol

But nah....whenever I'm dating someone new, they have the benefit of the doubt. I give them that trust until or unless they abuse it...but I mean, how can you get to know someone and build something lasting if you're having to battle in a tug-of-war game for one of the key elements of a relationship? That type of "distrust" steals the fun and kills the mystery of being with someone new.

Where would I go from here? Wow..that's hard to say but most definitely this is a situation that seemingly began with the heavy residue of baggage. Not saying it's impossible but it's hard for a relationship to be born and thrive when you've got baggage as the anchor.

As I type, a Brandy cut plays...I leave you with this quote B.

"Gonna find me somebody not afraid to let go. I wanna no doubt, be there kinda came real close.."

Ain't that the truth!

life said...

B free I think you are setting yourself up for some needless disappointed/pain. I could be completely wrong.

Corey Keith said...

Awww... I really enjoyed dinner on Thursday! Don't fret. I still have hope. See, I know what b free really needs and I still like Cunty nontheless... see you tomorrow night, kid! Bring Cunty!

Valentino said...

I think its a little bit of both...Like GI, I'll give the benefit of the doubt, but I'm not gonna wrap my trust up with a bow and say " here, this is for you". You're not a mess... you're New New !!! Cause you always rock the New New

Mr. Jones said...

I tend to take people at face value until they give me a reason not to. I'm cautious and smart about everything, but I think it would be awful to go through relationships second guessing everything the other person says.

When they lie once, however, particularly about something stupid, I'm overthinking everything.

yet another black guy said...

trust YOUR gut above all. if he seems to be a real genuine guy, you can let some things slide. but if you have to question more than ONE scenario that he's trying to sell? BOUNCE!

life said...

You've went ghost on us again

That Dude Right There said...

My philosophy is a hybrid of both of yours'. I give a person a certain amount or degree of trust. They can either add to it or take away from it.