Seasons

The rain, the clouds, those dark nights. They make me think of what has been and what I dont need. The wind, the cold, the frost bite. Makes me think of the warmth you bring tonight. The daylight, the ocean breeze, the sunset. It puts me at peace, where im most at home. The moon, the stars, that fresh midnight air. It makes me feel open to whats to come. Im finding myself going through a change in barometric pressures, humidity increasing, temperatures rising, my winds are gusting and nature at its best. I feel myself...changing seasons, could you be the reason?

Growing Pains

When will it be easier?

Every year as my birthday approaches I find myself living with a bittersweet happiness. You see in 1999 my world fell apart. My brother was moving for college and he was my road dog, my partner in crime. If he got caught doing something I knew it was just a matter of time before I would be questioned lol. Ohhh the good ole days. 99 was also the year when my parents would divorce. Almost 18 years of living with both parents, some can't say that. But the thing is a long time doesn't make it the best time. Folks weren't happy so things worked out for the better. My father did some dumb shit but he was and still is my father and I love him for that. The thing is that during this divorce my grandmother (moms mom) didn't like how things were playing out so she always had a few things to say about my dad. I didn't like them. I was torn. Do I defend my father who had much room for improvement or do I stand by my grandmother who was ALWAYS there when you needed her. The pressure built up and I had to choose. One day grandma called and started talking about Dad on the phone and before I knew it I was at my boiling point. Those of you who have seen me there, know its not a great place for me to be or for u to be around! I hung up the phone on grandma.... She called right back but caller ID told me who was calling so I didn't answer. The thing about that night is I never knew that would be the last night I would ever speak to my grandmother again. The next day my grandma was rushed to the hospital and after 2 weeks of being in Intensive Care in a coma she was removed from all the life support equipment and "made comfortable" she was then pronounced dead March 19, 1999 just 5 days before my birthday. 1999 was not my year, days after her funeral I totalled my car. Happy birthday to me right? As I write this and reflect on all the events and shed a tear or two (what? I'm human!!) I realize that I still have my brother, my parents are still my parents just living in 2 different houses, I have a much better car now, but my grandma is gone... I miss her terribly and it hurts. I've grown to learn that life is short, love is powerful, and life is for the living. We should never take for granted the love we have in our lives because what you think is here to stay could be taken away instantly. I love those of you who are a part of my life. Thanks for reading, this was probably the hardest post I've ever done but I did it in hope of beginning a healing process. It starts today now go love!

Always,

B Free

Where's Waldo?

The journey continued.....

So things were going well...and after quite a few weeks of spending quality time, disaster strikes. I dont know why it worked out this way but it is what it is. I find myself thinking a lot about how our situation wrapped up. A dinner that was fit for Kings, a great movie, and a warm embrace then sealed with a kiss. Thats how our last evening went. We spoke later that evening and all seemed well. We did our good morning hellos and all seemed well then....shit i dont know what happened either. I made a call, few hours later I sent a text, few hours later another call and now im looking around like Where's Waldo? We didnt have an argument, i didn't Chris Brown you, so WTF is the issue? My lil shorty has disappeared... I have not been one to wish bad on people but the only scenario that would truly validate this disappearance is death or dismemberment so u cant text lol. Its weird, very weird.

I find myself wondering why these cats always talkin about this idea of the king they want in their life and then when they get it, they arent ready for it. But ive come to know this game all too well.

This is the step by step way it usually plays:
1) He fucks up in some way, shape, or form
2) Time will pass and he will realize how good he had it
3) A little more time will pass as he gobbles up that humble pie and swallows his pride
4) My phone will ring and i will answer to hear the voice on the other end eventually saying something about "I've missed you" "you just ran across my mind" "I was wondering what you've been up to" etc
5) I will answer to all those statements oh ive been well, life is great etc etc
6) We will hang up the phone
7) A text comes in "i'd love to start over"
8) Then I become the bad guy because im not a fan of second chances. I think its an Aries thing. Maybe I really do move on too fast. Oh well lol

So I am going to start selling T-shirts and button downs only for sale to the brothas who are ready for something serious. So they will be identifiable and I can move forward lol. Submit your size requests here for pre-orders

You Had Me At Hello

When i walked in and saw you our eyes spoke before we ever had the chance to. They introduced themselves and gave a peak into our respective souls. Sending signals to each other as well as ourselves. Mine told my brain that we need to make that happen. Nah not on no freak shit but on the deeper level. Im talking deep like the titanic kinda deep. The gathering was a tad mediocre but the opportunity to meet you was well worth it. Something in me wanted to jump the gun and get at you but my swag too cool for that. So i spoke, you spoke, i smiled, you smiled, i sat and you continued your conversation. I didnt trip cause again, my swag too cool for that. Fate had already set it up. I saw you about to escape the mediocrity, i wanted to chase you but nah i didnt need to. If it was meant to be we'd meet up again. 20 minutes passes and i escape as well. On to make my next move. 10 minutes later, im parked at the corner not sure if i wanna go in or not. Im looking out the window at my surroundings making sure i was cool leaving my ride there and through the crosswalk there you are. I think to myself, wellllllllll guess im goin on inside. It was like a bright yellow highlighter drawn across my night because you were the highlight. Could you be all that i think you are? The journey continues...