Saturday, March 21, 2009

Growing Pains

When will it be easier?

Every year as my birthday approaches I find myself living with a bittersweet happiness. You see in 1999 my world fell apart. My brother was moving for college and he was my road dog, my partner in crime. If he got caught doing something I knew it was just a matter of time before I would be questioned lol. Ohhh the good ole days. 99 was also the year when my parents would divorce. Almost 18 years of living with both parents, some can't say that. But the thing is a long time doesn't make it the best time. Folks weren't happy so things worked out for the better. My father did some dumb shit but he was and still is my father and I love him for that. The thing is that during this divorce my grandmother (moms mom) didn't like how things were playing out so she always had a few things to say about my dad. I didn't like them. I was torn. Do I defend my father who had much room for improvement or do I stand by my grandmother who was ALWAYS there when you needed her. The pressure built up and I had to choose. One day grandma called and started talking about Dad on the phone and before I knew it I was at my boiling point. Those of you who have seen me there, know its not a great place for me to be or for u to be around! I hung up the phone on grandma.... She called right back but caller ID told me who was calling so I didn't answer. The thing about that night is I never knew that would be the last night I would ever speak to my grandmother again. The next day my grandma was rushed to the hospital and after 2 weeks of being in Intensive Care in a coma she was removed from all the life support equipment and "made comfortable" she was then pronounced dead March 19, 1999 just 5 days before my birthday. 1999 was not my year, days after her funeral I totalled my car. Happy birthday to me right? As I write this and reflect on all the events and shed a tear or two (what? I'm human!!) I realize that I still have my brother, my parents are still my parents just living in 2 different houses, I have a much better car now, but my grandma is gone... I miss her terribly and it hurts. I've grown to learn that life is short, love is powerful, and life is for the living. We should never take for granted the love we have in our lives because what you think is here to stay could be taken away instantly. I love those of you who are a part of my life. Thanks for reading, this was probably the hardest post I've ever done but I did it in hope of beginning a healing process. It starts today now go love!


B Free