Seasons

The rain, the clouds, those dark nights. They make me think of what has been and what I dont need. The wind, the cold, the frost bite. Makes me think of the warmth you bring tonight. The daylight, the ocean breeze, the sunset. It puts me at peace, where im most at home. The moon, the stars, that fresh midnight air. It makes me feel open to whats to come. Im finding myself going through a change in barometric pressures, humidity increasing, temperatures rising, my winds are gusting and nature at its best. I feel myself...changing seasons, could you be the reason?

Growing Pains

When will it be easier?

Every year as my birthday approaches I find myself living with a bittersweet happiness. You see in 1999 my world fell apart. My brother was moving for college and he was my road dog, my partner in crime. If he got caught doing something I knew it was just a matter of time before I would be questioned lol. Ohhh the good ole days. 99 was also the year when my parents would divorce. Almost 18 years of living with both parents, some can't say that. But the thing is a long time doesn't make it the best time. Folks weren't happy so things worked out for the better. My father did some dumb shit but he was and still is my father and I love him for that. The thing is that during this divorce my grandmother (moms mom) didn't like how things were playing out so she always had a few things to say about my dad. I didn't like them. I was torn. Do I defend my father who had much room for improvement or do I stand by my grandmother who was ALWAYS there when you needed her. The pressure built up and I had to choose. One day grandma called and started talking about Dad on the phone and before I knew it I was at my boiling point. Those of you who have seen me there, know its not a great place for me to be or for u to be around! I hung up the phone on grandma.... She called right back but caller ID told me who was calling so I didn't answer. The thing about that night is I never knew that would be the last night I would ever speak to my grandmother again. The next day my grandma was rushed to the hospital and after 2 weeks of being in Intensive Care in a coma she was removed from all the life support equipment and "made comfortable" she was then pronounced dead March 19, 1999 just 5 days before my birthday. 1999 was not my year, days after her funeral I totalled my car. Happy birthday to me right? As I write this and reflect on all the events and shed a tear or two (what? I'm human!!) I realize that I still have my brother, my parents are still my parents just living in 2 different houses, I have a much better car now, but my grandma is gone... I miss her terribly and it hurts. I've grown to learn that life is short, love is powerful, and life is for the living. We should never take for granted the love we have in our lives because what you think is here to stay could be taken away instantly. I love those of you who are a part of my life. Thanks for reading, this was probably the hardest post I've ever done but I did it in hope of beginning a healing process. It starts today now go love!

Always,

B Free

Where's Waldo?

The journey continued.....

So things were going well...and after quite a few weeks of spending quality time, disaster strikes. I dont know why it worked out this way but it is what it is. I find myself thinking a lot about how our situation wrapped up. A dinner that was fit for Kings, a great movie, and a warm embrace then sealed with a kiss. Thats how our last evening went. We spoke later that evening and all seemed well. We did our good morning hellos and all seemed well then....shit i dont know what happened either. I made a call, few hours later I sent a text, few hours later another call and now im looking around like Where's Waldo? We didnt have an argument, i didn't Chris Brown you, so WTF is the issue? My lil shorty has disappeared... I have not been one to wish bad on people but the only scenario that would truly validate this disappearance is death or dismemberment so u cant text lol. Its weird, very weird.

I find myself wondering why these cats always talkin about this idea of the king they want in their life and then when they get it, they arent ready for it. But ive come to know this game all too well.

This is the step by step way it usually plays:
1) He fucks up in some way, shape, or form
2) Time will pass and he will realize how good he had it
3) A little more time will pass as he gobbles up that humble pie and swallows his pride
4) My phone will ring and i will answer to hear the voice on the other end eventually saying something about "I've missed you" "you just ran across my mind" "I was wondering what you've been up to" etc
5) I will answer to all those statements oh ive been well, life is great etc etc
6) We will hang up the phone
7) A text comes in "i'd love to start over"
8) Then I become the bad guy because im not a fan of second chances. I think its an Aries thing. Maybe I really do move on too fast. Oh well lol

So I am going to start selling T-shirts and button downs only for sale to the brothas who are ready for something serious. So they will be identifiable and I can move forward lol. Submit your size requests here for pre-orders

You Had Me At Hello

When i walked in and saw you our eyes spoke before we ever had the chance to. They introduced themselves and gave a peak into our respective souls. Sending signals to each other as well as ourselves. Mine told my brain that we need to make that happen. Nah not on no freak shit but on the deeper level. Im talking deep like the titanic kinda deep. The gathering was a tad mediocre but the opportunity to meet you was well worth it. Something in me wanted to jump the gun and get at you but my swag too cool for that. So i spoke, you spoke, i smiled, you smiled, i sat and you continued your conversation. I didnt trip cause again, my swag too cool for that. Fate had already set it up. I saw you about to escape the mediocrity, i wanted to chase you but nah i didnt need to. If it was meant to be we'd meet up again. 20 minutes passes and i escape as well. On to make my next move. 10 minutes later, im parked at the corner not sure if i wanna go in or not. Im looking out the window at my surroundings making sure i was cool leaving my ride there and through the crosswalk there you are. I think to myself, wellllllllll guess im goin on inside. It was like a bright yellow highlighter drawn across my night because you were the highlight. Could you be all that i think you are? The journey continues...

O-M-G! You done lost yo mutha****** mind!

What do these kids think about before they act, talk, or text?

Many different ways to say it:

Off his rocker
Elevator doesnt go to the top floor
Not the brightest star in the sky
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
Not the brightest crayon in the box

You get the point


These days it seems like im experiencing so many people who have such incomplete processes before they decide to do something. Its weird and I surely cant be alone in this.


Bachelor #1 - Big Papa

A nice young man, good head on his shoulders and all that. We met at a party some time back and have maintained a friendship and good conversation. He lives in another state so thats about all there is. So out of the blue I get the, "ohhh I wanna see you so bad, im gonna come to Atlanta" line. Im like ok that sounds cool, we can hang out, grab dinner, etc. And hes like yeah I just found a ticket for $320 so when I get there ill just get $160 from you and we'll be cool.

WTF!?!?!?

Did I say I was sending for you? Did I say "ohhh you should come visit me"? Hell naw. What makes you think you can volunteer my money without my approval...NEXT!!


Bachelor #2 - Baseball Fan

Again, a nice young man, good head...on his shoulders. Grad school student, motivated etc. So you call yourself wanting to get to know me. Fine by me, im not involved in anything committed at this point. So we're talking on the phone and a call beeps in and he says "hold on". So I hold and he clicks back over and is like "well the dude i've been kinda seeing is in the parking lot so i'm gonna call you when he leaves."

WTF!?!?!?

Attractive: + 50 points
Honesty: + 100 points
Conversation: + 100 points
Personality: + 100 points

Attempting to make me the other guy, and be
the one on the back burner: MINUS ALL of them damn points

NEXT!!


Bachelor #3 - Papi

So we've known each other for a while, lots of sexual tension between us. I think at one point if left alone in a room for an extended period of time, many calories would be burned and we would both leave with our skin having that "glow" on it. It would...have been, hot. Papi and I both met someone cool around the same time and did our own thing but we continued to be friends. So I saw Papi's boo out quite a few times without Papi and was like hmmmm that aint gonna last long at all. SO why when someones relationship fails do they think they can just make a phone call and just pickup where things left off? So now hes askin when I can come visit and chill or when he can come visit and chill. So because your situation didnt work out im supposed to jump at the chance to chill with you again?

WTF!?!?!?

Boi Stop!! I can't be that other guy, its not the position im interviewing for. My resume has been retracted from that database and its time for me to keep it movin. the economy is down and your timing is off. NEXT!!


Bachelor #4 - Persistent Peter

So "ex boo" is apparently tryin to keep Sprint and T-Mobile in business in this slow economy. He is making sure that the networks continue to transfer calls fromt he T-Mob network to the all PCS giant. He calls I answer, we talk. He calls, I answer, we talk. I dont think there is anything wrong with speaking because as adults I think you should be able to do that with someone youve dated. If you can lay in a bed with someone and share intimate moments and you later cant even be cordial then I say shame on you! Well it's about to be SHAME On ME! Remember that song Bug-a-Boo? Yeah if I had a pager still I would have thrown it out the window by now lol. Well most recently I get a text at 1 in the morning. And they say the only thing open from 12am - 3am is the Waffle House and some legs. So im being cordial with this 1am text and then I get the invite to come over and "chill" really?! Chill at 1am? Boi stop!! Im no Einstein but Ray Charles could see the motive behind that one. He was tryna make it do what it do baby lol. So I decline that invitation and bid a good night. The next morning im told "Oh you got me confused!"

WTF!?!?!?

You askin me to come to your house at 1am and I decline the invitation and I'VE got you confused? This chile done fell off the rocker. WTF do I look like? This aint no CoCo Dorms and i am not Breon. Tryna text some Dick 2 Door by Delivery or somethin. Im not the one. So I reply back, since I have you confused I know how to proceed since I know where this is going, and thas by ending communication. I am a grown, professional. I dont have time for this. If we gone be cool, lets be that but we dont need bitterness and all to get involved. Now you wanna leave messages...but I got you confused? NEXT!!


What would you do with these people?

Am i crazy or do more people do this kind of stuff?

Where are the bright crayons found? I'm ready to color DAYUM!

Bitch Stop Callin Me

So new boo is no mo lol.

As i spoke about in my last few posts id been seeing someone new and was ohhhh so excited. Things were going well until that oh so enlightening night.

It started as one of those calls on my way home where i would check in with my future, who id been datinig for about 5 months or so, and catch up on the days events and see what was what. We talked about any and everything, it was the sound of the voice that mattered more than the subject... or so i thought.

So i had a good day, got my car washed (yall dont know how i am about my car; when my ride is dirty theres a storm coming or going any other time she sparkles lol)and I have a nice lil slow mix cd i made playin softly in the background. So were talkin and talkin and you know the rule 'Dont ask what you dont want the answer to' and then i asked "Baby when was the last time you had sex?" and baby replies with a chuckle and a slight gasp, one of those where you been caught off guard. So im like awwww shit this is gonna be good *mutes the radio* and i begin to listen because i know whatever baby is about to tell me at that point is going to be entertaining. "Ahmmm you really want to know the truth to that?" And im like "Hell yeah I want to know"..."Umm like 2 weeks ago"...I think i swerved in my lane a lil bit and then respond "Ok, i really appreciate your being honest with me, it means a lot to me." A moment of silence passes as who i thought was my future is thinking of a way to clean up or justify the actions all the while i am driving down the road ejecting the slow jam cd and inserting the Trina - Still Da Baddest album. What track did i go to you might ask, I'm Single Again...back on the prowl lol. After my song cues up with the intro i kindly say "well im going to take some time to myself now, have a good evening and we'll speak later...at some point". "Baby can we talk about this and let me explain?" "I said at some point we will talk, goodnight"


Why is it that folks expect it to be ok for them to do them but then when they slip up youre supposed to be the desperate one who will turn the other cheek and let that ride?

NAWWWW not me. My self-worth is extreme and i couldnt let that one slide. Now youre questioning why im being distant and not calling like i used to. If you cant figure that out then its best that i let ya go now because you are not as smart as i thought you were to begin with.

Anybody had an experience like this?

What did you do?

Did you think about what to do for a few days first?

Would you give a second chance? Third?



Its been a few weeks and we talked, i said my part. Im cool on baby boy. Our paths have crossed a few times since and im always cordial and greet with a hug but my emotions are now void. Am i wrong? Baby boy keeps callin and texting liek things are the same but they are not.

What would yall do?

Dating dot dot dot

My mind is just out there right now.

It seems like when im doin my single thing that the good ones are hard to find. You just do you and think that maybe you'll run across a catch and no luck. Then all of a sudden you do find one and its like all the others come out of hiding and flock to you.

I've been consistently dating someone for about 5 months or so and all has been going well. But in these past 5 months about 5 people have pursued me. And im not talkin about on no physical lets get it crackin type thing but on some, i wanna make you mine, husband, boo-ed up type stuff. It's flattering to an extent but then i know what im worth so thats how it should be anyway when they are trying to get at me. Should i expect that for every month that goes on that another will add themselves to my list, like month 6 there will be 6 month 7 there will be 7 and so on?

OMG its crazy!!

How does this dating thing work? If you are dating one particular person for a certain amount of time but there has been no discussion of exclusivity, do you continue to entertain the others? You cant assume that the other is all about you cause we know what it means to Assume lol. Do you "put all your eggs in one basket"? How the hell is this dating thing supposed to work?

Im an Aries, i need attention. Not overly but i require to be admired lol. Not always physical but i need that affirmation. its weird but so what lol. What should i do? What would you do? What would Oprah do?

Call me Confused Calvin cause i dont know lol.